Once the initial shock of my Parkinson’s diagnosis wore off—which admittedly was a shock that lasted at several weeks if not months—my wife began to search* for a serious upgrade to my thirty year old B&L Elite scope. Coincidence? She denies any connection whatsoever to the PD, but in no time at all the spotting scope I’d been coveting for a long, long time magically arrived at my door. Complete with matching cover and case, additions I would never have sought but which admittedly are quite handsome. “Pity optics!” I cried indecorously, whooping and hollering at first sight of the box.
So “pity optics” is a real thing? Brothers and sisters, I am here to tell you that it is! I was lucky: it’s best if the urge to fulfill the need for new glass comes on with little provocation, as it did for my wife, but If for some reason your partner has not quite come around to it yet, you might need to do a little soft nudging and subtle hinting at the crucial existence and sublime beauty of pity optics. Words are important, and pity is an ugly word, so maybe we should call them “sympathy optics.” If you’re one of the poor bastards who needs it, here’s a little primer on the topic of sympathy optics:
Sympathy Optics—the basic rules
- Assess the situation. First and foremost, realize that your potential for success correlates strongly with your partner’s happiness and satisfaction with your relationship. If that’s not where it needs to be, forget it—you’ve got more important fish to fry!
- Drop hints. The longer you have been referring to your dream setup, the better. Be careful not to overwhelm with the details; focus on how much better x would make your birding and therefore your life. Bonus points if you can relate this to hints you dropped before your PD diagnosis!
- Don’t be greedy. It’s OK to aspire to gear in a price range that is a stretch out of your household’s regular comfort zone for purchases, but not a huge leap outside it.
- Bins are an exception. It’s not at all clear that the limit above (rule #3) applies to binoculars, especially if yours look like WWII surplus.
- Be flexible. If you already have all the equipment you need or can handle (keeping in mind that your ability to handle that gear is melting away faster than soft-serve in July ), the “sympathy optics” impulse may, if you are lucky, be parlayed into “sympathy birding travel.” Its awkward wording belies its terrific potential. Because you’ve just got to see more birds while you still can!
- Be gracious. Seriously, remember your role in this—share your desires when asked but don’t micromanage the process. Your loved one wants to do something for you, to help you enjoy birding even more. The only appropriate response to such a thoughtful and generous gift is gratitude!
*RIP Eagle Optics